Philadelphia, Grow Up
Philadelphia Phillies ticket holders were ‘treated’ once again to antics from unruly fans. From batteries an
d marbles, to rocks packed in snow and bodily fluids, and the ever popular fan on the field, Philadelphia is quickly climbing my list of places to not visit. This is the short list of incidents we know about, never mind what happens any given moment in more private settings like bars, clubs or restaurants. It would not surprise me in the least to see this city turned into a DMZ.
Yes, I know, you’ve won a WS, Stanley Cup and your football team has scraped by into the playoffs recently, but there comes a time when the ugliness and shamelessness with which you display your naked, pimpled, and hairy behind outweighs any credibility you have by saying, ‘Scoreboard!’ Spare me. Act like you’ve been there before.
On the other hand, I did get to witness my favorite invention of the past 20 years being used on a numskull who is no doubt bragging about his ‘fame’ as I write this.
Top Ten Things I’d Rather Do Than Go To Philadelphia
- Have molars removed
- Watch subtitled version of “The English Patient” with wife
- Go to an Orioles game
- Watch backyard wrestling videos on Youtube
- Stare at the sun
- Get in the cage with Brock Lesnar after proclaiming to him, “I’m your babies daddy!”
- Run an ultramarathon
- Attend a Miley Cyrus concert for daughters 13th birthday party
- Slam my finger in a car door
- Babysit the Gotti kids